ACT I
Eva and Blackie are sun bathing (fan service) in front of a small house in Key West. There's a red Mustang parked in the driveway.
EVA
I know you think our new partner is weird.
BLACKIE
(annoyed)
Weird doesn't even begin to explain this...
Al Qaeda is one thing, but now we're teaming up with Furries?
Mao-Mix the communist cat-girl is walking towards the mailbox in a sexy strut.
EVA
(unconvincing)
Yeah, I know it's embarrassing...
But she will get us the good favor of all the Furries.
They have a lot of influence.
BLACKIE
...on the Internet...
Close-up of Mao-Mix' bouncing breasts.
EVA
They'll go crazy for that shit.
Mao-Mix pulls a package out of the mailbox, reads the label; it is adressed to Eva Sirkowski.
BLACKIE
And for how many episodes do you think this association will last?
MAO-MIX
Eva, there's a package for you, nya!
Boom! The package explodes, sending little bit of the cat-girl Furry in all directions
EVA
(stunned)
...just this one I guess...
Cut to a reflexion on the lense of binoculars. We see Eva and Blackie leaving in the Mustang. The binoculars slide down to reveal Twiggy Rickenbacker's face.
ACT II
Eva and Blackie in the red Mustang.
EVA
Don't be so dramatic!
BLACKIE
(anxious)
Someone is trying to kill you! Can't you see that?
EVA
(mellow)
Of course, but that's nothing new!
I'm sure it's just the government trying to erase me before the media learns I've escaped from Guantanamo.
BLACKIE
Mail bombs is not like them.
Flashback: we learn Twiggy is a CIA special agent.
AGENT #1
Counter terrorist CIA special agent, Twiggy Rickenbacker.
Specialized in intelligence gathering and foreign special ops.
Served with the US Marine Corps upholding security in American embassies across Africa. Obtained a BSFS from Georgetown University's School of Foreign Service and an MIA from the School of International Affairs at Columbia University.
EVA
(annoyed)
I want to visit Hong-Kong, not your hotel room!
MÉLODIE
Shut up!
BLACKIE
I looooove hotel rooms!
MÉLODIE
Shut up!!!
Eva stares at Twiggy.
EVA
(at Twiggy)
What'cha lookin' at Mickey Mouse?
Later, Twiggy is looking through files of wanted terrorist suspects.
TWIGGY
I know I've seen that girl's face before!
Eva Sirk...
(yell)
Jesus fuck!
End of Flashback.
The Mustang is parked next to a liquor store where Blackie shows the frontpage of a newspaper to Eva. It reads, "C-list Terrorist Killed in Failed Gitmo Evasion". Eva is drinking vodka and is drunk.
BLACKIE
Look, the government thinks you're dead!
EVA
(drunk)
Get fuck your face off!
I'm a C-list terrorist? Goddamn media!
After all these years, that's the most reckognition I get?
On Wikipedia, Miss Dynamite is an article on some British rapper.
I mean, British rap, what the fuck is that??
BLACKIE
Most famous terrorists don't live for very long.
So you're better off considering.
EVA
Rejected by Al Qaeda, can't even get on CIA black ops.
BLACKIE
Don't you enjoy freelancing?
EVA
Ya, fuck it. Fuck them!
You know why they won't hire me?
Cuz I'm fucking overqualified!
Eva chugs the rest of her vodka and throws the bottle away.
EVA
Let's get some weed.
Later at night, Twiggy is standing in the dark, in the middle of the road, starring at the horizon. Eva is driving the Mustang through the dark night with Blackie on her right. Eva drops some mari-juana in some rolling paper. She puts it in front of Blackie who licks it up before Eva rolls the joint up.
BLACKIE
(stone)
Why don't we see Pam Grier in movies anymore?
EVA
Why should we?
BLACKIE
She's got a huge rack... And we need more black MILFs. I'm tired of soccer moms!
EVA
Dude, Pam Grier is like 60 years old!
BLACKIE
Yeah... but she still has a huge rack!
As the Mustang speeds on the dark country road, the car lights uncover the silhouette of Twiggy, standing in the middle of the road with an RPG. She fires a rocket at the car, the explosion sends it flying in the air towards Twiggy.
TWIGGY
Ah crap...
The Mustang falls on Twiggy and bounces on the road, doing barrel rolls, before stopping upside down. While the dust is settling down, we can hear Eva's voice from inside the car.
EVA
Woah, that's some strong shit!
ACT III
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM
Twiggy is resting in a hospital bed, in bandages. Two agents come talk to her.
AGENT #1
Good job special agent Twiggy!
We weren't even looking for these two terrorists,
yet you managed to find them AND stop them.
All that while off the clock!
TWIGGY
It was just a lucky circumstance...
AGENT #2
A lucky circumstance you were carrying a Russian RPG with you?
Twiggy stays silent.
AGENT #1
Yeah, you've been acting weird ever since you went "missing in action" in Hong Kong.
What happend over there?
TWIGGY
I'd rather not talk about it.
AGENT #1
Well anyway, the White House is glad you nipped a potential PR disaster in the bud.
It's a bonus you managed to captured Miss Dynamite alive
TWIGGY
She's still alive???
Transition to a CIA black site where Eva and Blackie are held captive,
"A few weeks later".
AGENT #2
We've transfered her and that Chinese bitch to a Black Site.
Eva and Blackie are securely tied up. The two CIA agents are in the room with them, drinking coffee. Twiggy is in the observation room, behind a one way mirror, watching them.
AGENT #1
She's worked for us in the past.
It would be a shame to send her back to Gitmo and waste her potential.
AGENT #2
Yeah, but the potential for blowback with her is great as well.
EVA
(annoyed)
Hey, I'm in the room you know!
AGENT #1
But in this administration, what's the worst that could happen if we fuck up?
We get the medal of honnor?
AGENT #1 + #2
hahahahaha!
EVA
The last CIA guys I worked with are all dead.
ALL
(silence)
AGENT #2
This is the War on Terror, it ain't supposed to be dangerous!
We send people to risk their lives on our behalf, not the other way around!
EVA
You guys have nothing to worry about.
I will work for your government, with the right incentives.
Unlike the Jihadists or you, I don't serve a higher purpose.
AGENT #2
But we'll need a good leach on a bitch like you!
EVA
A leach?!? Sexist cocksucker!
AGENT #1
That's why our experimental PSYOP research team created this brand new drug just for you!
A drug is injected into Eva's arm with a seringe. Eva's eyes become bigger and brighter.
AGENT #1
How are you feeling, miss Sirkowski?
EVA
I'm feeling... good...
AGENT #1
Do you want to kill me?
EVA
Of course not! Why would I want to do that?
AGENT #2
She might be faking.
AGENT #1
Then let's test her behavior.
Guards aim their weapons at Eva and Blackie and both girls are released from their bonds. An agent gives a cue card to Blackie.
AGENT #1
Go ahead, read this to her.
BLACKIE
No way!!! She'll kill me.
The guards load and aim their firearms at Blackie's head. Blackie reads from a cue card.
BLACKIE
(reading)
I'm happy to see you Eva.
Because you are my best friend.
Have you... missed me?
Eva jumps on Blackie and hugs her. Eva pushes against Blackie tits, Blackie blushes.
EVA
Of course I've missed you.
I 'am' your best friend!
AGENT #1
Woah! No way she could fake that!
AGENT #2
You think they'd make out if we told her to?
Awkward pause. Blackie stares at Eva.
ACT IV
Later, Twiggy enters the cell and she points her gun at Eva's head. Eva looks at Twiggy and remembers who she is in another flashback.Twiggy is fighting against Eva and Blackie in Hong Kong. Twiggy eventually loses the fight and is badly hurt. They put Twiggy in the trunk of a car and drive her to a Chinese brothel.
BLACKIE
Why didn't we kill that bitch?
EVA
Because this bitch has value!
CHINESE PIMP
Negroes are pretty rare on the white slave market.
I'll give you 23 thousand dollars for her!
EVA
Deal!
BLACKIE
(in loving admiration)
You're so evil.
End of the flashback.
EVA
I remember you.
And I understand why you hate me.
I'm really sorry that I hurt you...
Twiggy stares at Eva. She lowers her gun and leaves the cell. She goes to Blackie's cell and gives her katana back. Blackie takes the katana slightly out of its scabber, looks at Twiggy and takes her sword out, putting it to Twiggy's throat.
TWIGGY
It's gonna take a week for this drug to lose its effect on Eva.
Grab her with you and get the hell out of here.
In a week, your asses are mine!
BLACKIE
Is that a trap?
TWIGGY
That's not Eva in that cell.
If I kill her now, I'll never get my revenge.
Blackie stares at Twiggy, wondering what she'll do.
Fade to black.
Through a window, Twiggy is looking at Eva and Blackie leaving in a stolen car. Suddenly, sirens start wailing and lights fliashing.
ALARM
Warning! Warning!
Two prisonners have escaped!
Lock all doors!
EPILOGUE
BLACKIE
Eva?
EVA
Yes, Blackie?
BLACKIE
What would do if I kissed you?
EVA
I would kiss you back.
BLACKIE
Oh...
EVA
On the mouth, deeply.
BLACKIE
Aaah...
With my teeth, and I'd bite until I ripped your face-off from your bloody skull.
BLACKIE
Oh! It's been a week already?
Eva throws Blackie out the window.
THE END
(to be continued)