Eva and Blackie: Secret Lovers? by pr0ntab
Hypothesis:
Eva "Miss Dynamite" Sirkowski and Tanpopo "Blackie" Chin are secretly lovers
(or perhaps NOT so secretly).
Motivation:
Quickly browse the forums
on Sirkowski's website, and
take note especially of people ask him to draw that girl-on-girl stuff all the
time.
They can get away with that because according to the comics, they don't really
have sex lives, so you can use your imagination there.
But that's naive: you have to have a working model. So, it falls on my shoulders
to provide it. From the following evidence, I have determined the most likely
situation is in fact a lesbian relationship.
With this heavy lifting done, I will pave the way for everyone to write lemons
without that pesky "plot" stuff.
Supporting Points:
- If you read up on Blackie's
back story, her idea of a relationship is a scam to get money and power
out of guys.
Powerful men have betrayed her, and it turn she does the same.
- On the other hand, Eva is a loner. Also, she's intimidating. Maybe it's
the cigarette.
- And Eva
and Blackie both are just too scary to keep men for very long.
- In the backstory, Eva saves Blackie's ass. She didn't have to, and never
previously held any allegiances to anyone. Then they team up, move in together.
Bonnie and Clyde, as it were. As domineering their personalities are,they
don't sabotage each other. Clearly some other forces are at work. It's not
like they weren't doing well enough by themselves.
- Blackie has the hots for Eva. This is explicit. Eva has this butch thing
going, and Blackie thinks that's "cute". Observe:
- As far as
we officially know, the feeling isn't reciprocated.
- Of course, we have to wonder what all this is about:
What is she thinking there anyway?
We so rarely get
to see her guard down!
What I'm establishing here is evidence against Eva as a stereotypical 2-dimensional
character; a consistent hard ass. That is the image she projects so she can
properly do her job-- it's her face she presents to the world. In fact, the
reality is...
- Eva completely trusts Blackie. Why else would she do things like this:
Well, it's more personal
than going out to a bar...and this...
Do people normally do this
with friends?
There is clearly an undercurrent there, and it's not merely professional courtesy.
In a field when you can't have any friends without M.A.D. agreements, and the
only real person you can trust wants to fuck your brains out, you may not have
any other choices.
Since they are the best in the business, and they prey on the weak, therefore
everyone is weaker than them, and thus a mark. So unless they take pity
on some poor soul, they'd never be able to maintain an equitable relationship
with others.
- And let's
face it, Eva is intimidated by Blackie sexually, and that's the primary
source of her frustration with Blackie's advances. Reactions of denial, anger,
fear, and grief have all been exhibited by Eva (in roughly that order)
According to some shrinks
a lot smarter than myself, I believe acceptance is next.
Someone point out the flaws in my logic here.
I don't have the right links, (flash animations on newsgrounds), but Eva also exhibits outward jealousy and disdain when Blackie lusts after guys to satiate her needs (a freedom Eva does not enjoy).
Jealous! I wonder why.
Conclusion, further thoughts:
There's no person that who in their right mind would want to be in a prolonged relationship with either of the two nutbags. In two weeks they'd be out on the street with 10 bullets holes and their intestines spilling out, and a nice big hole in their pants where their wallet used to be.
Eva isn't the kind of person who would bounce from one guy to another (maybe Blackie is, but she doesn't even get emotional about it) Poor Eva. Masturbation can only carry you so far. :-) It's clear that in order to cope, she has at least a few times shared a special moment with her compadre. Or perhaps it's a full blown Ellen Dengeris/Ann Heche, only well hidden. Since we have no direct knowledge of the relationship, we can only guess as to how serious it is from the circumstantial evidence.
It's probably casual. It explains Eva's inability to cope with the way Blackie acts, especially around others. It's like she makes a big deal about saying "What, me gay!? No..." instead of just ignoring her.
Sirkowski's a pretty echhi kinda guy. I believe that he really planned it this way, but would never say it explictly. Or perhaps he never thought about it, but subconciously liked the possibility, and it manifested itself.
If this is true, it was crucial that he did not express it explictly because it would cheapen the comic. Or maybe he's keeping that bombshell up his sleeve in case he needs to "jump the shark" or some shit. It's too easy to make gay jokes than it is to try to make political jokes, and as a bonus you can use the built-up homoerotic tension as a change-up pitch. It's perfect for slow days like Sept 11 when you don't want to piss off too much of your readership with a jab at some political idiocy.
Naysayers will bring up the vibrators issue. But let's not forget Blackie's a slut, and Eva's keeping her away from johns. You give a little, you get a little. etc.
Okay, I'm done. I hope this gets me a free commission if I post a link from the forums. They call me "Comic Book Author Profiler pr0ntab". Next stop, FBI, bitches.
Related:
Britney and Madonna, Cloud and Sephiroth, Elton John and Eminem, and Natsuki and Sakrua.
Keywords:
sirkowski, eva, blackie, OMFG, Guns, Lesbian, Gay, s3x0r5, yabbering, offsite linking, memes, pandering for free pr0n
